Day 38. Love In Times Of Anxiety. (Letter #7.)

Hello My Dearest,

It would seem to be my destiny to fly like a moth to the flame of Your memory. What should have been a pleasing occasion – going away for a weekend getaway in the mountains – turned into a lower level panic attack that lasted several hours. The only things on my mind were my deep feelings for You and how much I miss You. I see You in my mind’s eye always laughing or smiling. When I am hiking on a mountain, when I am walking through city streets, when I am in my car, I see You there beside me.

Throughout all of my tribulations, emotional ups and downs (mostly downs) these last several weeks, the one thing that remained constant is my love for you. I think of holding You tightly. I think of kissing Your lips and caressing Your skin. Like a migrating bird fixing onto a magnetic heading, my mind is fixed firmly upon You. Like a spawning salmon swimming against the stream, possessed by a single-minded desire, I think of You. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing that goes through my mind as I fall asleep. You are my guiding star. You make me want to be a better man and it kills my very spirit that You do not want to see me get better for You do not want to see me at all. In the end, there will be no prize for me at the end of this journey. My girl will never be waiting for me to make it through. I am so utterly alone without your warm kindness by my side. I will always remember You.
And I still love You.

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