Searching To Survive.

Google and smartphones have changed the conversational landscape. People do not argue for hours anymore about a matter of fact: they just whip out their smartphones and look it up. I do it all the time because my memory sucks. I keep going “you know, it’s that thing, from that place… you know what I’m talking about!” Nobody does, of course, which is why Google and HTC are directly responsible for keeping my sanity functioning. When I had my meltdown, I even Googled “psychotherapy in (my city)” and “ways to cope.”

Sadly, Google itself is yet to move into the realm of therapy. Or online dating for that matter, which, I am sure, will be quite a day! So apart from the constant searchers for the “whatsitcalleds” and the “whatchamacallits,” there is something that I keep plugging into Google in the hopes of finding something new, something that would change my current situation. In the hopes of being able to get ideas on how to keep on living after being dumped by the love of my life, I have been googling the self-help sites on how to do just that. There even was the “No B. S. Guide” from Cosmopolitan that was full of B.S. So here are some thoughts on their suggestions.

1. Avoid contact.
In my case that is not the issue since She was clear about me never speaking to Her again. I desperately wish I could but I am respecting Her wishes on the matter.

2. Think about Her faults.
Easy. She is impatient, presumptuous, and is seriously lacking in tact. Which is why She reacted the way She did to my letter: She misunderstood some stuff and decided to think the worst of me. My therapist insists my letter was quite clear and there was nothing to misunderstand; in his words she is a “cold bitch.” Whether logical or not, I do not believe that.

3. Find someone else.
This is damned hard for several reasons. I was never that good with women at the best of times. Except now I have no desire to find someone new. In fact, it is worse than that. My usually overly active sex drive is all but gone. My brain has done what millions of years of evolution could not: it made a male (Yours Truly) monogamous. Of course with my luck that means I am on a self-imposed abstinence regime. Be still my heart!

4. Give it time.
Time cures all. Or so they say. We shall see. So far – not so good. It has been about three and a half months and though the worst of the pain has either subsided or I have just gotten used to it, I am still just as much in love with Her as I was before.

So I guess that means that the search for the cure from unrequited love continues. And I still love Her.

Google, Google on the screen,
Won’t you wipe my love slate clean?


4 thoughts on “Searching To Survive.

  1. Pingback: of narcissism | Anawnimiss

  2. Well, you certainly write well about it! That’s something, anyway. Incidentally, I’m with the therapist. To tell you why is too much for the iPad (and I’m temporarily away from home and the iMac). But you’re paying for his counsel. Might as we’ll take it and see where it gets you,no?

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