Tinder.

My heartbeat is racing, blood is pumping through my veins, and my hands are numb and trembling. My vision gets blurry because of…

Flashback to earlier this morning.

So this new evolution of meeting people online is the most interesting but, in a way, also the most disturbing. Couple of days ago, my roommate has introduced me to an app called Tinder. It works in conjunction with a Facebook account by getting photos, friends list, and interests. You can see that information from the other people in the app who are geographically close to you. The rest is basically “hot or not” type of thing. The people who marked each other as interesting can chat. In the “old” days,  you start talking to someone online and you don’t know if you have friends in common, if the interests specified are the real ones or just for show. This thing is like BAM! there you are.

Then again, some interests are just weird. “Oh look! We both like “name of local hardware chain of stores“.” When did I “like” it on Facebook? Why? Is that enough to form a meaningful relationship?

The thing is, I do love that chain. I was there twice just this week. But what hardware or automotive spell was I under to actually go and click the “Like” button on Facebook?

Not looking like George Clooney, nor even Daniel Craig, I do not get marked as “yes” a whole lot. Some ladies did and some of them matched with me saying “yes” in their regard. I started talking to this girl. This one girl who does want to talk to me is not only of the same nationality as the one that broke my heart but also has the same first name. Just my luck, I guess. We chat and then I feel stuck in the conversation and do not have anything to say.

Wow. I’m an adult. My friends tell me I’m an interesting guy with cool stuff going on in my life. However, I guess due to the nature of this app, I feel kinda weird. We do have a Facebook friend in common. Is that good? Is that bad? Who knows. I finally manage to ask her out for coffee. We shall see how it will turn out.

I keep playing with the app. And then I come across Her picture. Cue the freakout. My heartbeat is racing, blood is pumping through my veins, and my hands are numb and trembling. My vision gets blurry because of tears that fill my eyes. There is no way in hell that if She ever comes across my profile She would say “yes.” I mark Her as “yes” anyway and Her likeness immediately disappears from the screen.

She is gone again. And I still love Her.

Failure.

Arguably, it was a good night. I was in a show that went really well. I came up with a few characters that enhanced the show. I played the characters that made people laugh.

And yet, all my choices were safe ones. I did not push myself. I did not live up to the spirit of improv. I felt so ashamed after the show (because I know how much everyone else pushed themselves), I could not even bring myself to stay for the following show and to go for drinks afterwards.