New Beginnings?

This post is being published under the category “Road To Recovery.” I am, in fact, actually on the road. This is a long trip and I am super nervous about this holiday and how this is going to unfold.

Last night some stuff went down involving my Ex (we still have not spoken but there was a really intense message exchange) and I am feeling better about myself and about not being with her. For the first time since our breakup I am starting to feel that things are going to be alright. I am feeling free. There is that to be Thankful for. (There will be another post on that in several days when I get back.)

But for now, this is all about this dream challenge of mine coming straight at Yours Truly. I am on my way to go ice climbing on Mt Washington in New Hampshire. This is not my first visit to the Presidential Range but this is my first trip to Mt Washington. I have definitely overpacked and will need to repack once we arrive there. We will be spending three days and two nights on the mountain itself. I got ice tools, walking ice axe, crampons, REALLY warm sleeping bag, and ton of shit that I do not need but that makes me feel better.

I am quiet excited. I have been ice climbing for several years but this is my first mountaneering ascent. And I am starting with Mt Washington. As the saying goes “Go big or go home.” I am going BIG.

I could not have gotten here without the amazing support of the WordPress community. Some of you have chosen to honour me with awards for my blog and I promise to get to writing about that very soon. You guys are my rock and my sun. When I was down, you picked me up and carried me in the palm of your hand even as you all were dealing with your pains and your hurts. Even as you all have been struggling with darkness, you had time and grace to talk to me and care for me. I would love to do more for all of you. I love all of You, my dear readers and I look forward to doing more for You.

Day 69. My Dark Passenger.

Two nights ago, while drinking a pint of beer, I thought that I might be regaining my sense of humour. Earlier that morning I had an ironic thought. Like, is there a 12 step program to quit the power greater than me, i.e., the love of my life? Or am I just supposed to drink?

But of course therein lies the problem: this is undeniably “my” sense of humour which is rather on the dark and depressing side. I have always considered my sense of humour to be one of my greatest assets even though I have not always used it for the power of Good and have managed to alienate some people. That sense of humour based on my rather negative worldview has been my “dark passenger.” In Jeff Lindsay’s books about the serial killer named Dexter Morgan (I believe there was a mildly popular American television series based on those books as well), the protagonist refers to his inner darkness – the essence that makes him the serial killer – as Dark Passenger. We’ll my sense of humour is my dark inner essence. I wonder if it will stay…