Day 22. I Love You Still. (Letter #5.)

My dearest girl,

It has been over a month since you have said good-bye to me. I has a been a time of unimaginable pain and anguish for me. Yet I think of you every day. I remember your voice, the sweet smell of your long beautiful hair. I remember your smile and the way your eyes would squint and shine. Our time together, despite the dark poisonous despair inside me, had been the happiest of my life and I cannot imagine my life without you in it. I look at the pictures of you. I touch the image of your beautiful face. I try in vain to wish you to call me, to talk to me, to love me…

Still, I muster on, one painfully lonely day at a time. At times, the anxiety of never seeing you again overwhelms me and I stop, breathing heavily, mind racing and fighting the inevitable conclusion that we shall never be together again. I sweat, suddenly overcome with a hot flash, my brain feeling as if it has been thrust into a volcanic furnace. Then, slowly, my breathing becomes normal but the pangs of pain, regret, and sorrow in my chest are still there and I feel drained of energy. I am powerless and tired. Tears feel my eyes and I feel dizzy. I desperately want to call you just to hear your voice but I know I cannot. I yearn for your voice, for.your lips, for your laugh, for your touch, even for a fleeting sight off you.

But nothing comes.

It will never again and that thought is killing me. I feel so lost without you by my side.

I miss you so, so much.

And I still love you.

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