People have generally always considered me funny. For awhile that wasn’t the case as I was getting acquainted with the English language and even since, my sense of humour is not everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, most people in the Anglophone Western societies do not get it. The sensibilities are too different.
However, over time I learned what tends to make people laugh even if it is not really funny to me. THE reason I did that is because I tend to use humour as defense weapon. It is a way to distract people from seeing what really is going on behind the mask of a clown.
So now the mask has been sheared off. Not by choice; but now it is broken (along with my heart) but this will hopefully will make me stronger rather than completely to destroy me.
Except… I am supposed to entertain people on stage. Luckily, improv is not standup comedy so I am not supposed to be cracking one-liners. On the other hand, it is not a good idea for me to be continually miserable on the stage.
And therein lies the problem for I feel the need to get back to improv. Having made a number of emotional breakthroughs, I think I can grow much more as an improviser now. This is something I can actually be good at and be a better person for it. Whether healthy or not, there is a need in me to make people laugh. I am not expecting for this to pay the bills – that would be a highly unrealistic expectation. However, somehow, making someone’s day just a little brighter by making them laugh makes me feel that l have some kind of a purpose in life. I am not a religious man by any means so I do not have the comfort of thinking that higher power has a purpose for me. So I have to go and get my own purpose. And I think humour is it.