Day 15. Doing The Work.

As I have mentioned it last week in Moving Forward, my therapist gave me some homework. It is called a “Depression Wellness Plan” and consists of a printed handout 11 pages long. I have known for a couple of weeks now that I should have sought professional help years ago. However after reading this document has made this so much more real. It keeps talking about what is activating my depression. The answer to that is nothing. It’s just on 24/7and has been on non-stop for the better part of the last two decades. It also tells me to be careful as negative thoughts, if repeated enough, can become automatic. Ditto. My first daily thought for most of the last 10-15 years has been “I don’t want to exist anymore.” That is it has been my first daily thought until about three weeks ago and since then the thing I say to myself the moment I awake “I need Her back in my life!” Interestingly enough, I look forward to getting back to the days when I just wanted to die in the mornings.

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